Hallmarks of Narcissistic Abuse - Narcissistic Abuse Healing

Cognitive Dissonance came from American Social Psychologist Leon Festinger, and the theory is that we have this inner drive to hold all our attitudes and behaviour in harmony to avoid disharmony, or dissonance. When something gets in the way of that, we get cognitive inconsistency. But what does that actually mean for you?

Narcissists are nothing if not predictable. In the romantic Narcissistic scenario, the 'Trifecta' is typically, 'Love-Bombing', 'Devaluing' and 'Discarding'. Often followed by 'Hoovering', and then the whole cycle starts again. When they get to the devaluing stage, that’s when the ‘nasty’ really begins. The will start by doing any or all of the following – and these are just some examples…

A while back, I watched the Netflix Series, Dirty John. It’s the true story of an American man named John Meehan, who love-bombed and married 59 year old Debra Newell after a whirlwind two month courtship, and which almost ended in disaster for one her family members.

It is! The more I read and learn about narcissistic abuse, and more importantly, surviving it, healing from it, then thriving, the more I realise something I have known all along... that self-love is the absolute key to healing.

So you’ve gone no contact, identified yourself as a victim and dealt with what that entailed, but you’re still not out of the woods, home free and happy. What is probably going on now is that you are ruminating on the past. This means that you're going over everything that your Ex did and said, and you keep asking yourself whether you could have handled things differently, whether it was all your fault, whether you're going crazy.

Narcissistic abuse is a form of (primarily) emotional and psychological abuse, although it can and does often involve physical abuse as well. NPD is a mental illness and those who have it must abuse their ‘target’ or ‘victim’– it’s how their warped minds function and the can’t, won’t or don’t want to, control or change their behaviour and studies suggest they’re addicted to dopamine, one of the brain’s ‘happy’ or ‘feel-good’ chemicals.

Flying Monkeys is a phrase common in Narcissistic Abuse circles. It comes from those nasty characters the Wicked Witch of the West had flying around doing her dirty work for her. They go by other names too, but basically they are the allies that a Narcissist ‘recruits’ to use against you in their smear campaigns. They are also used in 'Triangulation', another common form of abuse used by Narcissists.

I want to clarity what narcissistic supply, or fuel, is, so you’ll understand how you are providing it, and what you can do to stop. Of course, how this plays out depends on the type of relationship you’re in. The dynamic between a narcissistic mother and a daughter is going to be different from that of a romantic pairing – which is what I’ll talk about here, but they all need that same thing… Fuel.

If you’ve spent any time with a Narcissist, you’ll already know that they can border on both the ridiculous and the hilarious. Some of the things they say to you, and request you to do, can be utterly absurd. I asked some of the women in my Facebook Group, Infinite Self-Worth after Narcissistic Abuse, to share some of their ridiculous and hilarious stories...

The answer is, sadly, very bad indeed. A Narcissist will do any and all of the following things on a daily basis, without a backward glance, and without caring one iota how much they are hurting you. The Narcissist, whether male or female, has an inexhaustible armoury of weapons that they can and will use against you. Here are 14 examples...

Overt Narcissists are usually quite easy to spot. If you know someone who is ‘big-headed’, vain, always bragging about how brilliant, funny, smart and clever they are, chances are good that they are Narcissists. They frequently exaggerate their achievements, lie about stuff all the time, think they are so much better than everyone else, that they’re unique and special, and watch out, because...

Cerebral Narcissists are all about their own intelligence, and they often do have above average intelligence. try to bedazzle everyone with their extensive knowledge of everything, and they’ll always take the long, complicated highway to explain everything so they can display their extensive knowledge of everything. They believe that they are God's gift to the world and nobody surpasses them intellectually.

Somatic Narcissists are all about the physical. Appearance is everything. They want to look good, and usually want to have someone who looks equally good, on their arm. A trophy, as it were. Somatics flaunt their sex appeal, sensual/sexual prowess, and gorgeous bodies. They’ll frequently brag about how many times people eye them up, chat them up, flirt with...

So you've made the break, and gone No Contact. You're determined the relationship is over, yet you live in dread of bumping into your ex when you're out and about. So what the heck can you do to prepare yourself and not fall to pieces if you do run into them? It doesn't have to send you into a complete tailspin. There are things you can do to protect yourself.

The answer is simple, but it’s far from easy to cut the ties with a Narcissistic Mother - and symbolically 'divorce' her. Very often if you do, you’ll get untold flak from other family members who’ll accuse you of being ‘selfish’ and ‘cruel’ and ‘heartless’… especially if you were the scapegoat in the family growing up. Then you are painted even blacker than ever!

think all who suffer narcissistic abuse go through various stages, similar to those going through grief, and then some. But the 5 stages of grief for example, are not enough because they end with acceptance, which is what happens when you lose someone to death and you finally come to terms with it. However, it's just not that simple when NPD is involved because abuse brings a different kind of grief.

If you are in a relationship with a Narcissist, the chances are you've asked yourself this question a thousand times. But you'll have gotten do deeply mired in the treachery of Narcissistic Abuse that you can barely think straight anymore, and you'll think it's your fault. But I've got news for you. It's NOT! You've been targeted by a very cunning person who knows exactly what to look for.

Before I start, I will say that if you are suffering any kind of physical symptoms, or think you might be suffering with any of the things mentioned in this post, always be sure to see your Doctor. I’m not a medical practitioner and I’m not qualified to give any kind of medical advice. I am however, a certified Clinical NLP / Hypnotherapist with experience helping people recover from trauma and abuse.