Why did I attract a Narcissist into my life? 4 Common Reasons

If you are in a relationship with a Narcissist, the chances are you've asked yourself this question a thousand times. But you'll have gotten do deeply mired in the treachery of Narcissistic Abuse that you can barely think straight anymore, and you'll think it's your fault. But I've got news for you. It's NOT! You've been targeted by a very cunning person who knows what to look for, and how to connect deeply with you to make you believe that they are your 'Soul Mate' or the 'Love of Your Life'. But why, oh why YOU?

So here I want to share some possible answers that you may not have considered. .Four of the most common ‘reasons’ why people attract Narcissists are:

They are a reflection of your own deeply buried trauma

You were born into it

You’re a Highly Sensitive Person or an Empath

You have something to learn – and they are your teachers.

So let’s have a little look at these…

They are a reflection of your deeply buried trauma

This school of thought is that Narcissists are a reflection of deeply buried trauma that we are carrying inside ourselves, and we will not be free from attracting them until we heal that inner trauma. I definitely believe this and much of the work I do with my clients focuses on tuning into such past traumas to release and heal them. Such trauma and beliefs about yourself are mostly buried in your subconscious and that’s basically the engine running the show of your life. It takes a great deal of inner reflection and self-analysis to try to figure it out for yourself. I recommend that you learn as much as you possibly can about Narcissistic Abuse and recovery, via books, blogs and videos, so that you can start to understand what you've been dealing with. And learn the truth, that it is not your fault. And I highly recommend you find a therapist who understands NPD and Abuse, who can help you recover. Healing is possible, and it always comes back to loving yourself unconditionally, for who you are, and refusing to be treated like a piece of dirt.

Book an appointment with me here (totally free) if you feel you need professional help.

You were born into it

Another valid school of thought is if you were born to a Narcissistic parent. What happens then is that you subconsciously pick up all this flawed behaviour and unwittingly accept it as normal. You have no real benchmark for what is normal and this learned behaviour seems normal for you, except for one thing, and that is your gut feelings telling you it’s wrong, and you know that you are unhappy. Somewhere deep down you know this is NOT normal. It’s vital to dig into these painful lies you've come to believe so that you can stop believing in them. Only then can you start to rebuild the foundations of your self-worth, which has been destroyed by the Narcissistic Abuse you’ve suffered. You know you are not in the wrong, and your emotional pain is screaming out for you to listen to it, heed it and take action to get yourself out of the abusive relationship.

You’re a Highly Sensitive Person or an Empath

It’s an undeniable fact that Narcissists can spot you a mile off, and they will target you. The vast majority of my clients are either HSPs or Empaths. Being an Empath myself for the most part, I know how we can feel others’ pain, and always want to help them. But this kindness, in the hands of a Narcissist, will destroy you.

Narcs know that you will be more loving, forgiving, keen to help them heal, even though they don’t, in fact, ever want to be healed. They will feed you sob-stories about their abusive childhood (which may or may not be true), but it’s all designed to get the sympathy vote for them. You will keep making excuses for them, keep going back to them, and keep hoping, in vain, that they will change. You also think that you have enough love for both of you and you’ll get through this.

Trust me, you won’t. There is not enough love in the entire world to heal a Narcissist. If you’re one such lovely person, you need to see the reality of what you are dealing with, grow a thick skin, and get out of the relationship. For your own sanity.

You have something to learn, and they are your teachers.

This can be a tough one to get your head around, but I believe it also has more than a grain of truth in it. So many of the clients I’ve worked with have said that their Narc experience taught them a lot about themselves. This realization and self-awareness doesn’t usually come until later on in their healing journey, when they discovered that by allowing this abuse to continue, they were not loving or valuing themselves. When you reach that level of clarity, a part of you can see that yes, they did teach you something.

It’s just a damned hard way to have to learn the lesson.