Have you married the same Narcissist twice?

If so, you're not alone! It's happened to many women - (even two women who joined my group and it had only been live for a week!) There are many reasons why this happens, but the bottom line is that the Narcissist is an expert at manipulation, and once they really know you (marrying you is going to help with that big time!), that level of skill grows exponentially because they have come to know you on a very intimate level... they know all your likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses... they know your feelings and how you think. They know everything about you.

So you divorced them and thought you were finally free. Maybe life was good for a while. You were no longer walking on eggshells, stressed off your face every minute of every day. But then one day, they turn up, like the proverbial bad penny. And they turn on the charm that caused you to fall for them in the first place.

So when they come back, begging you to take them back, telling you that they’ve always loved you, they’ve never loved anyone like they love you, they have been desperate, broken and lost without you, and on and on and on… they know exactly which buttons to push and, if you've never had therapy to really understand the psychological processes that have created your addiction to them in the first place - you're addicted in the same way as if you were hooked on drugs or alcohol – you leave yourself wide open to being sucked right back in. And that's exactly what happens, you get drawn in again. You're powerless to resist them because you've never really healed from the first round of trauma, and you've never learned to love yourself enough to never let this happen again.

The tragedy of it is however, that as soon as they have you hooked again, they start the same old s*** and the abuse begins all over. You feel worse than ever, because you can’t believe that you fell for it. You can’t believe that you really thought they meant it, and that they had changed. You’ve been completely conned and now you’re locked into a marriage contract for the second time. And you don’t have the strength to go through another divorce.

But you have to realize that this is NOT your fault, so please stop calling yourself 'dumb' and 'stupid'... you are NOT any of these things. You're simply the victim of a cunning, heartless, manipulative Narcissist. Plain and simple. Forgive yourself right now, if you can. And if you can find the courage to start divorce proceedings again, do it, because you will never have a day’s happiness or peace of mind as long as you’re in a relationship with a Narcissist. That’s the harsh truth of it.