Can you 'Fix' Your Narcissist? Here's the Harsh Truth

This is something that many people ask, and they hold in their hearts the belief that maybe their Narcissist can be ;cured;, or maybe they can fix them. Sadly though, the fact is, they can’t be ‘fixed’. The nature of NPD itself means that Narcissists don’t think there is anything wrong with them. They think they are perfect and that the world should bend to their every whim, so they rarely ever seek treatment. If they ever DO go to therapy, it’s to learn more ways they can manipulate you. They often fool therapists, and this has been confirmed many times by people who’ve been to couples therapy or counselling with their narcissist partner.

Sam Vaknin, one of the world’s leading authorities on narcissists, who is a Professor of Psychology AND a Narcissist himself, says this:

“Adult narcissists can rarely be "cured", though some scholars think otherwise. Still, the earlier the therapeutic intervention, the better the prognosis. A correct diagnosis and a proper mix of treatment modalities in early adolescence guarantees success without relapse in anywhere between one third and one half the cases. Additionally, ageing moderates or even vanquishes some antisocial behaviours.”

So basically, when it comes to romantic relationships, parents who are narcissists, or basically anyone out of adolescence, the chances of them being ‘fixed’ or ‘cured’ are zero. So if you are thinking that your love, support, patience, flexibility and endless trying to please, appease and placate yours will finally make things right, they won’t. Ever.

The only one you can 'fix' in a Narcissistic relationship is yourself. If you continue to stay in the relationship, it will get worse and worse and you will continue to be abused. Narcissists, you must remember, hold themselves completely unaccountable for their actions, and they expect you to pour love and adoration, acceptance and compliance, all over them like a warm blanket. The moment you stop, when you start coming to your senses and questioning them, is the moment the devaluing starts. Then they will set out to really screw you up, and you'll be left reeling, in shock, pain, confusion, and you'll feel as if your world is crumbling. Which it basically is.

Your only course of action is to get help, and get out of the relationship, or, if the case is that this is impossible for you, then you need help even moreso to learn how to deal with your narcissistic partner in-situ. There are ways to do this, such as grey rocking and other tactics. If you are to retain any semblance of normality, you need to learn all the strategies, and get a therapist if you possibly can.

If a narcissist is ruining your life, you’re not alone, and support is vital. Click here to learn how I can help you.

If you are looking for a therapist, let’s talk. I can help you to heal in weeks, not years.

Updated 10/02/2022